Mind Your Portions
CollickyBaby is crying – again. Crud. [Note to self: Never leave the pacifier in the car.] I just need to wiggle by CollickyBaby – and get to my desk [where I can commence surfing the web. I mean...
View ArticleJust Another Birthday Story
Right. So this is it. It is 110 degrees outside. And I am walking on the side of the road to the gas station that is 2 minutes away. My muffler fell out of my car on the off-ramp of the highway. It...
View ArticleJust Get Naked
Much like a pimple on my butt, he is back. Ben. First, he sent flowers on my birthday. Then, a few days ago – a letter on fancy paper with concert tickets for “us” to use (worth $60 each). My...
View ArticleSome Things Can Wait
Download: ben.mp3 Okay. Let’s get past the obvious. Posting someone’s voicemail is completely foul and a violation of all things good and decent [like bunny rabbits and furry kittens]. So noted. Next....
View ArticleShe Is Gone
She is gone. Missing. You know that feeling you get when you know something is wrong. Well, something is wrong. My cat, Dakota, concurs. On a good day, he is a jittery, suspicious furry hot mess – that...
View ArticleProfessor Unicorn
“I can’t believe you got me to re-schedule a meeting so you can ogle a hot guy?” my boss, FairyWings, laughed. Me neither [but I do appreciate her allegiance to the cause.] “But then I thought to...
View ArticleThe Girl With Pigtails
It was Friday. And I was joking around with one of my work-friends. Work-friends are people who act like they would give you a kidney between the hours of 9 and 5, but after 5:01 PM – they pretend not...
View ArticleGive Everything
I am not sure what I’m doing in New York in the middle of a hurricane. Hurricane Sandy. This ranks pretty high on my list of Dumb-Things-I-Do-Because-I-Need-To-Live-With-Someone-Who-Is-Not-Bonkers....
View ArticleThe Only Penis That Turns Me On
Shh… I’m at work. Don’t tell anyone I am reading a blog by some dude crushing on his penis. [Gotta love the interwebs, baby!] I don’t want penises anywhere near my body. But if you wanna write about...
View ArticleHow Hard Could It Be?
It’s a teeny tiny hole. That’s it. Who knew a teeny tiny hole could be such a huge pain in my ass? “See it? Right there,” the forensic engineer from my insurance company is pointing to a microscopic...
View ArticleFork In the Road
I open my dryer with a fork. I just wedge that bad boy in a hole where the door handle once was, pry – and pop! It opens. Generally, I only believe in replacing things that are vital to my survival....
View ArticleThe Hook in My Toe
Oh, great. Here comes my nephew, Mikie. He is playing at the other end of the school gym. [The kid’s always surrounded by an entourage. Totally popular. Clearly, we are not related.] “Is she your...
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